yes, only the void remains / how can i explain that we're now zombies or at the very least, we're definitely deceased? how will i relate our defeat to the dreams of the children we will never have? been at my pad, guzzling Novocain for at least three weeks and my peace has yet to peek; half of me still feels, so i turn the knob to raise the temperature but none of this seems real / but still, i'll hold onto the present pain like it has some sort of appeal / today, i said your name aloud for the first time in awhile / i remember when something as simple as that would have easily spread a smile, on my face / but i know now that you see what we once called "love," as fake / ironic trying to find solace listening to women sing about complicit composites, reminding me repeatedly of how much we suck / i took a snapshot of your screen and its been streaming to me like a brook or a dream and now, i'm stuck / between caring too much and pretending to give ninety-nine minus a hunnit fucks but it's probably for the best that we consciously un-cuffed / yet, i haven't let go, your absence was tipping of the first domino, now it's gravity's show, and i'm just trying to stay on my toes, feeling like my eyes closed... falling to my knees like i am in mourning / ... how long does it take to heal a heartbreak? i need to let go of the heartache but i'm still plagued by the weight and being haunted in the present by the stakes of the last time / we don't require a judge to feel guilty in the wake of love crimes / and i don't know if this path is divine or designed or better yet if its been maligned by my hands / i think love is the destination in many dreams but things ain't go how we planned / or maybe our failure, was the result of not planning at all / i believe that the best of us tend to lose our wits when we fall, trying to right ourselves in midair, imagining being able to fly and glide through these years but too often when we attempt to pair, we just collide and crash and burn / how many times can we die through Phoenix eyes before we learn? maybe "us" is not meant to be / but we've been through the fire and the mire so many times it's hard not to fight the signs that we've seen, in order to levitate the promise that our parents weren't able to see /

Early this morning, while i couldn't sleep, i wondered if it was the cold from outside that crept underneath the sheets to greet me or if it was just the constricted heart in my chest that was lacking heat / either way, i couldn't find words to speak but they found me, filling every corner of my head / and i could do nothing other than lay in the staggering silence, wishing that my thoughts were dead, yearning to free myself from the suffocating stench of emotion which only seemed to grow with each passing moment / should i be considering options for atonement or do i accept that we have become nothing more than opponents? ... It isn't love that hurts us / most of the damage that is registered by our hearts is dealt by misdirected hands, trying to maintain a tight grip on their reality and sense of self / and words landing the way that we heard them, not how they were sent or even meant / fear is pollution and tears are just a solution, salt for our pride and closed wounds / but you can't see the other side, if you won't zoom / discord and miscommunication are not love / see, trying to understand a foreign tongue doesn't usually make sense, ultimately we can only hope that love affords us the power to grant understanding, when and where it's needed most but it all comes back to the host / i think what i'm trying to say is, love cannot be anything less than what it is, once it has been given a place to live / it can not be diminished or extinguished, even if a pair finds themselves feeling like disparate fruit and that their course is finished, their love will remain the same as it was when it was first exchanged / i mean, maybe that's just my brain and i'm still riding this train of thought, alone / but i know if i love you today, tomorrow, nothing will make it change /

u aren't here for me, i believe that in every sense of the word / but then a thought occurred, as u slumber silently within my reach, what if our lines were merged? / not for passion or pleasure but purely for survival, security and warmth / a shield or a temporary forcefield to keep the bitter cold at bay / so that we could possibly provide shelter and the opportunity to vent for the dismay that lays only partially hidden within the hills of our hearts / but i don't know if either of us is strong enough to raise and endure those stakes / though there's space between my chin and my shins for you but i'll just stay, as i am, wrapped up in the forceful clutch of this cold / 1.4.17

u came to me cuz it felt safe, assuring me that he never placed his hands to your face but just because the bruises are mental or underneath clothes and skin, it doesn't extinguish the sin or the heartache / your imperfection does not make it okay, because even if you fail to see your value, he should still recognize your richness enough to never endanger you / yeah, men can be shit and play games but questionable life choices never afford us the right to hit you / your presence and differences are not justification for abuse / i can't believe you would even try to excuse his short fuse, like you deserved this... like he deserves you / believe, i am free of a gavel and robe but i know what i know and there's know way that this should be the path that you chose / if i was your father, i woulda done everything within my power to make sure you were exposed to the type of care bestowed upon something priceless and rare / but i may never be a dad, so maybe my conjecture's not fair / cuz i know that i've done my fair share of inciting and influencing women to probably pour out their tears or tear out their hearts / but in 30 years i've never beaten a woman and even if i only had 30 days or 30 minutes or seconds left and the devil offered me immortality... i still wouldn't start / i know you're smart and maybe it's not my place to tell you what to do...or not to stay / but if i think there's even a chance you might go back to him, there's something i must say... no, you are not a "battered bitch" as you put it but please, find another way / 1.3.17

i seen a white woman give her kids a couple of books, meanwhile the black and brown children are being handed down the sins of their parents past and dirty looks / who do we hold responsible when the product of our seeds become future prisoners and petty crooks? / who can you call when there's more corner liquor stores than libraries? whole neighborhoods where you can find a gun faster than healthy food, man that shit's scary / and we're just trying to keep up spirits and happy homes but we're surrounded by twisted, rotten roots and misguided clones / but some believe they should push our plight to the right which is really saying, "Shut your mouth and stay outta sight, you are not three-fifths let alone half of a man! We don't want you to have high hopes, we don't want you to shine, why don't you understand? / we don't give a damn about your protests or BLM plans" / *BLAM* Damn, another nigga down / and i don't know who pulled the trigger but there's blood on his crown / and his daughter will now be forced to wear a frown forged far before her time / her only crime? being born a warrior but behind enemy lines / these are dangerous times, it don't matter if it's 2016 or 1959 / i'm not trying to debate shit / and no, i'm not promoting hate, bitch / i'm just capturing what's on my mind like fireflies in mason jars in summertime...cuz i can't take this / i can't take it /