I find myself starving and it's human this hunger /
I feel it, winding, rising to the surface
but I've been trying to keep it under /
but I hear it in my head like elephants and God,
producing thunder / yet, there's coldness in my heart
and it's freezing like the tundra / still, I yearn and I wonder
about how I can conjure up what it takes to share a space
and put myself aside, in honor of those that may be mates /

but it's getting kinda late and again, I've only got one plate...
but it's probably better that way, cuz my mind's a bit
bent outta shape / my flaws go deeper than my face,
which is flesh, so I feel cursed by my mistakes /
past, present and yet to come /

I constantly magnify, o the mess that I've become /

how could I be truly loved by anyone?

hell, I've even questioned God / not out of insolence
or disrespect, I just find it kinda odd / outsiders might
think I attract admirers like a lightning rod but my record
is really spotty / many chances have fallen apart
like soggy bread, right in my palms / never was meaning
harm but in his arms, misguided charm / and lacking
the wisdom and experience, to know just what he want /
or hating what it was, (I hated, what it was)
analyzed and identified, I knew
so much that was less---than love /

and once I was able to spy and specify my needs, I heard
it wasn't special, let alone deserved, by me /

so, I turned upon a loners road and endeavored
in my dreams, to retain my demons under lock
and key and to never plant any seeds /

you can take that as it seems and you can read
and hear this poem twenty times but you'll never
understand me / why I'm starving or hungry /

(Why don't you stop and take a little time out with me?
Just take five, ohhh yeah / stop your busy day
and take the time out to see, if I'm alive...)

Ohhh, yeah / Oh, yeah...Oh, yeah

Feels like I ain't been felt in so long /
Déjà vu drips from that line but I still reminisce
on what I miss and I haven't been able to connect
in so long / but still I go on, with a heart that holds on,
with whispers of thread / as I muse in my head,
that even my bed is fed up with my routine /
and the tread on my shoes is tired of doing
the same things / but hope still guides me to look
towards the horizon but change remains beyond
that and in hiding, so sometimes the only thing I find
surprising, is...the fact that I'm still here /

I thought that this was gonna be a poem
on companion ships, loneliness and like a drought just hit,
type thirstiness / but I guess it's unclear / you can see
or hear anything here / I no longer expect to find love /
hell in this world, it's much easier to find drugs /
but I'm not sure having either would gimme the balance
I need /

I still talk to God and I believe He heard me
but maybe I'm the one He's waiting on / I hope these tunes
can numb my wounds because the pain is so strong /
but my frame and on top my brain, is oak strong / still,

I didn't think whatever it is I'm waiting on to change,
would take this long / started to seek to see therapy
in pretty and empty things, fully aware of the superficial
and the fillers in everything but I've been trying
to shift my mind to apply apathy to everything,
including myself / but ironically, I think that would require

the heart of someone else /
11:11:14, 3.00 AM