I have been ruined by the rampant, random
and undefined ambiguity of "situationships" /

I have quietly observed the steady decline of uh…
what's that thing? Oh yeah, relationships…as they lie
somewhere on an endangered list /
we stumble over titles and labels, like cracks
in the sidewalk / unconcerned with where we're going
while we "talk" / unavailable,
when commitment knocks /

And why is that? Could it be, that fear has fueled
our apathy? / or do we just wear the genes
tailored for us by our father's, with their blood? /
See, absentees can't commit /
so as a kid, you might forget to learn love / eternally,
you turn away keeping paramours at bay---while internally,
your heart grows colder than a Detroit winter /

and even as an adult, I'm still somethin' of a beginner /
unable to master love but I've picked up
being somethin’ of a pretender /
Pretending like lust doesn't cloud my judgment,
feigning like we were one and only's when I know,
we wasn't / Acting as if I was okay with having sex
"without strings", while the threads hang here, bare
from my faith, my fingers, my face in the mirror /
that regret, it still lingers /

I wish I had graduated a prude / how crude,
how dare I try to elude or should I say escape,
solitude / with women I barely knew, clothed
or in the nude / connections that rarely grew
beyond superficial sights
and the empty hope of "mights" /

But I can't trust you, so I can't love you---
cuz I've been let down / and it's now my curse
to reciprocate what I've been dealt now /
Heartbreak, doth breed: deception, i.e. drama,
inglorious disconnection /

I know I've spread myself too thin,
for all the women I've "talked" to, I carry pieces
of them within / like shrapnel wrapped up in sin,
combat scars from this unholy war /
with every movement, I feel the bitter tinge of potential,
premature and unexplored / Nagging and gnawing
at my core, "Remember my name?
We've been here before" /

and then I think, why did I cross the line
so many times? / allowing these lives to intertwine
like plenty vines, for a moment
only to end in separation, then alas,

isolation /

Intermittently, I wonder how you might feel /
if you were apart of the facade or on the fence
or if you ever felt,
somethin’ "real" /

I started off thinking, I had been ruined
by the rampant, random and undefined ambiguity
of "situationships" / but in the end,
I realize I've been brainwashed to believe
in them as contemporary and safe
or necessary and convenient /

when in reality, it's none of the above

in the end, I think / I may have been ruined,

by

love.
11:14:14, 3.58 AM